The Peanuts Party of India

At last a meaningful new political party is being formed to really take India into this new millennium. It is the Peanuts Party of India (PPI). Its authorised election symbol is to be a paper bag (thonga) of Peanuts. It is a symbol in more senses than one.

For over fifty years independent Indians have been voting to elect different politicians of various parties to the Parliament and to several Legislative Assemblies. For over fifty years they have queued and toiled to vote in poll after poll to elect thousands and thousands of politicians. What have these people got in return of their labour? Peanuts. So now they have the opportunity to stamp on the peanuts symbol. For once the voter shall know (officially) what he or she is voting for.

Then there are the millions of non-voters. What have they done for our great democracy by not voting in election after election? Peanuts. So now they too can come forward and actively take part in the political process and stamp on the peanuts symbol, thereby registering their protests in a meaningful manner. The PPI is the proper vehicle for demonstrating their apathy.

Here are some pertinent points from the PPI manifesto:

• If and when elected to power, the PPI shall instruct all members to sleep soundly. Parliament shall once again become a peaceful place. Suitable legislation shall be passed to make sure that only the Speaker speaks in Parliament. Everyone else shall have to be either listeners, or sleepers.
• The PPI shall repair all pigeon-holes in the Parliament House to prevent infiltration by both sparrows and hawks.
• The PPI shall abolish the Income Tax Department, since the cost of maintaining the Department far exceeds the revenue generated. The money thus saved will be distributed equally among party cadres with the right connections.
• The PPI shall pass legislation to have 100% seats in all educational institutions reserved for the Backward Classes. Each and every citizen of India shall be declared a Backward Class by himself, or herself, and shall be eligible for reservation.
• The PPI shall legalise 'Satta' and collect taxes from these legitimate games, thereby running all 'Satta' Dons out of business. That should give rise to better films from Bollywood.
• The PPI shall disband all police forces, whereby the crime rate in the country should be reduced by 80% in three weeks' time. The money thus saved would be diverted to the poorest country in the world - Switzerland.
• The PPI shall instruct all its ministers to let the government be run by the bureaucrats, which is what happens anyway. The ministers can concentrate fully on wealth collection, thereby contributing meaningfully to the growth in the GDP.
• The PPI shall just do it. Impossible in nothing wrong.

We’ve already had a pee-nut as a PM, so why not a pea-nut?